Our next stop was Walmart to get school supplies for Alex. He was in good spirits and excited about our trip "for him" at first. But he quickly became disinterested in looking for things on the list and remembered that I had told them we wouldn't be going to Hoffman's this week. Once he got the idea in his head that we wouldn't be going, it was all over! He began to whine and stick his biggest pouty lip out as I was browsing the Kleenex's. Then the tears came. I warned him that if he continued the poor behavior, he'd loose Hoffman's for next week. Fortunately, we were just about done with our shopping.
Today at lunch he changed his mind 3 times about what he wanted to eat. (He ultimately got what he want, thus, I feel as though I gave in and was manipulated)
While bringing laundry upstairs, I noticed a lollipop stick on the carpet, this, after I specifically asked them to put the sticks in the garbage when they were done with their special "treat". I questioned both children and here's how the conversation went:
Beth: "Alex & Emily, do you know who's lollipop stick is on the carpet upstairs?"
Alex: "It's Emily's"
Beth: "Emily, is that your lollipop stick?"
Emily: "No, I put mine in the garbage"
Beth: "Oh really? Which garbage?"
Emily: "In my bedroom"
Beth: "Alex, did you throw yours out?"
Alex: "Yeah"
Beth: "Which garbage did you use, tell me the truth?"
Alex: "well, um, mom, it's mine, but you know why I told you it was Emily's? Because I didn't want to get up and throw it away".
So, I try to calmly explain to him that he wasn't going to be in trouble if it was his, that all I wanted him to do was to throw it away.... that lying to me about it was bad and that I'm disappointed in him for lying. I tell him to go upstairs and throw it away, to which he replies (whining) , " but I don't want to, I'm not gonna".
So..... what does a mother do? Do I threaten no ice cream tonight at Jumpin Jacks? Do I take Hoffman's away for next week too? I can't let him manipulate me and speak to me in the tone that he did... but this, all over a silly little lollipop stick on the floor!?!?!
The game continues..... stomping and pouting his way up the stairs, he tells me he's "not gonna throw it away". 5 minutes later he returns to the kitchen and says "I didn't do it". To which, I reply "I'm going to ask you once and if you don't tell me the truth, you won't be eating ice cream tonight; did you throw it away?" He nods his head, yes.
HELP! I know this is normal, I just can't tell if I'm really in control of it or not!
5 comments:
Oh dear....this sounds like me when I was his age! haha
I remember drawing with crayon on the dining room wall and my mom flat out asked me if I did it. I looked her straight in the eye and said, "no". She told me not to lie to her ever again and sent me to my room.
I think I did this a few more times and then eventually stopped.
I'm not a mother, but I have watched other mothers and I have babysat A LOT! I would suggest that you don't take them for ice cream tonight OR Hoffman's. I know it will break your heart, but putting your foot down will be the best solution. As for Emily telling the truth and not getting ice cream? That's a tough one too because you don't want to punish her for being honest. Or maybe you can bring them for ice cream tonight, but drop the Hoffman's day...follow through with what you told them.
As for Alex changing his mind about what he wants to eat - I would give Alex and Emily 2 choices of what they can eat and have them choose from those 2, i.e., peanut butter and jelly or tunafish. That way Alex won't be thinking of all of these different food choices - he will just have the 2 and that's it.
Good luck!!
Ahhh the joys of parenting! I have heard that these last few weeks of August are the hardest because the kids are just so bored!
For the lunch situation, I would only offer 2 choices. We use to have this problem with snacks and finally I just started saying "here are your 2 choices". It works out much better, except for when Abby wants something completely different but I do not give in.
It is hard to take something away from one kid when the other child was good.
Have you tried putting him in a time out spot (near you) just as a calm down period for when he talks to you like that?
Just stick to your guns and it will all work out! Or maybe we can put the 3 boys together??????
Sending you lots of hugs!!
I actually offered him only two options... he kept changing his mind back and forth until he said he wanted something completely different. He wined about it so much that I ended up giving in. I realize now that I shouldn't have. It's so hard not to when they wear you down!
Thanks for your suggestions!
Oh my gosh this is exactly what Jacob is like right now! I can't stand it...I have so many more thoughts about it (which I'll be posting soon). As far as the ice cream dilemma - I was JUST talking to someone else about the same thing the other day (was it you?). She said that they still go get ice cream but the 'misbehavor' doesn't get to eat ice cream. This way it hits home even harder because they see what they are missing.
Now I'm really starting to wonder if it was you who said that...I will feel really silly if that's the case!
Stacey,
Nope... it wasn't me that you were talking to so you don't have to feel silly at all! My new challenge for the week is "sticking to my guns"! I'm going to try to be more clear about the rule and consequence, and most importantly, follow through. I'm convinced, now, that he knows he can manipulate me.
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